The Cone

by Rondo, chronicler of the ridiculous

Good morning, friends.  So nice to be in the zone again.

Well, the latest in a long line of stupidities... first, Grammy and now, my brother Etude.   I guess you  have heard that Etude and I have been on a diet - special food to help make us feel full but also it helps us lose weight.  Well, it has worked.  BUT, Etude has started supplementing his diet with a little extra fibre.  FUR, to be exact!  He's been eating his fur - first off his front legs, then the back ones were nibbled at and now his belly is pink and bare.  So Gross!  Disgustingly Gross!

What's that Grammy? 

He's stressed?  Nahhhhh!  That's silly.  What could there be to stress about? 

What?  You must be joking.  He doesn't like to be picked on by me?  AND he doesn't like all the commotion that began when you fell, Grammy?  Pshaw!  That's Hog wash!  We needed a little excitement around here.  It's been pretty boring since Spring and COVID hit.

Well, maybe I should distract him.   Now, that's a great idea.  Distraction'll do it!

Etude, come here!  Yes, come here!  I want to nibble on your neck. Oh, gross!  No, of course not!  I'm not going to eat your fur!  You've eaten enough of that yourself and Grammy doesn't have time to knit you a sweater. 

But, If I nibble your neck it'll distract you from chewing your ankles and belly.   Oh, you're no fun!  Well, then, your only other option is to wear the CONE OF SHAME!  *giggles*   So, the cone of shame it is?  

So, let me see.  How about some nicknames for you.  Hmmmm!  Think! Think! Think! Speak up if you like one of them. 

How about Flashlight?  *giggles*  Blink you're eyes and you could send Morse code messages to us at night so we don't disturb Grammy's sleep.  *Silence from Etude*

Or, Megaphone?  Yes, that's a great one.  Have you noticed the radio or television are louder than usual.  Me thinks the old girl is a little hard of hearing... well, a little more than usual. *giggles*  You could be our spokescat... and with the cone on you wouldn't have to shout and damage our ears.  *Deeper silence from Etude*  

Or, we could pretend you are an ice cream cone and lick your face.  Yep, Sweetie would like that.  She loves to wash faces.  Now what?   Oh, I got it wrong?  She like's having her face washed.   Okay then, you wear the cone, Sweetie. 

Not a chance, Rondo.  I'm out of here!  *Sweetie scampers away while Etude blinks light daggers:   -. ---  stop ...-- -- .--. .... -. - .- -.-. -. --- stop  (Translated:  NO!  and  an EMPHATIC NO!)

Or,  Here we go!  How about this? Put the cone on upside down and we will decorate it with ornaments and garlands and you can be our Blue Spruce Christmas Tree.  Of course, blue spruce, silly.  The cone is blue!   Ooooh!  Hear that, Grammy!  GRAMMY?  DID YOU HEAR THAT? *aside - the old girl needs a hearing aid*  You don't need to put up a tree this year.   ETUDE'S 'VOLUNTEERING' TO BE OUR CHRISTMAS TREE THIS YEAR!

Oh, oh, oh - or better yet, we could put Etude on a Lazy Susan, add some cat toys to the 'tree' and  spin him like a whirling top?  I like that idea.   Yep, best idea yet!  *Etude's eyes go wide and he faints*   Well, at least now he won't chew his legs for a while. 

Glad to be of help, Grammy.

Well, that's all for this week, friends.  But if you have any suggestions, please comment.  We all want to make him feel better, don't we?

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