The Great Pickle Fiasco

By Rondo,  Chronicler of the Inept.

She did it again.  I have decided that if it weren't for us being here to look after the old girl she'd need a full-time caregiver or to be put in a nursing home.  Yep.  For sure!  Well, I don't relish tattling but here goes.... *giggles* Oh, of course I love to tell all...

And here is the latest.  No, she wasn't injured.  Well, no more than her pride, that is. 

Friday, late morning and a grumbly tummy enticed Grammy to the kitchen to make herself a little cup of chicken noodle soup and a sandwich. Now, some may consider it a late breakfast or an early lunch but either way, she really wanted a turkey on a bun with a little relish on top.  Nothing too taxing.  At least, you'd think not. 

A few skinny noodles in a cup, add onion and parsley flakes and top with chicken broth,  let sit 5 minutes then nuke and enjoy.  The bun takes a little more effort... but still a simple task.

A little butter, a dab of relish and a slice of turkey.... slapped together on a bun and chomp away.  Right?  Well, to do that she has to retrieve some items from the fridge.  How hard can that be, you say?  For the normal person... straight forward. For Grammy - well, let us just say... somewhat more challenging.

Now I must tell you... Grammy likes relish on lots of things.  It can be Bick's, or No Name from No Frills.  Either way the tastes are similar but Bick's is more expensive..... so Grammy opted for cheap last time.  The problem is this.  Cheap comes in a fat glass jar, and I mean fat. And fat also means heavy.  Remember, Grammy is recovering from her injury. 

Over that past few weeks she's been struggling with this heavy glass jar.  Firstly, she couldn't get the jar open and had to request help.  Easy peasy for the PSW, huh!  Then, each time she would lift it out of the door shelf with two hands... one to lift, the other to slide under the jar.  Even that was a challenge and a couple of times it wobbled and plopped back onto the shelf. 

Today, the silly woman picked up the turkey first which meant there was no second hand for support.  The jar wobbled and down it went.  Not onto the shelf.  No! What are the odds?  Huh?

Do you know what glass does when it hits a ceramic floor?  Yep, you've got it.  Glass bits, chopped pickle, relish juice everywhere!  And I mean EVERYWHERE!  Grammy was not amused.... kind of like Queen Victoria... you know... the "We are not amused!" Queen of 19th Century England.

So, what to do, before we curious furballs decide to check out the kerfuffle?  Meal time for kitties was fast approaching and when we hoards are famished look out!  The old girl new this and was frantic.

I have to admit I watched from the other side of the kitchen doorway.  You know what they say.  Curiosity killed the cat.  Well, I wasn't about to die!  No siree!  Curiosity had to be satisfied... but in this instance - from a distance.  One in a pickle was more than sufficient.

So....

at least she was smart about picking up the glass.  She used a lifter/spatula to sort through the relish to  pick up the larger pieces of glass and when needed a second one to help scoop smaller bits onto the original and into the bin.   No cuts on her hands.  Yeah!

Then, what to do with the relish that remained?  She got the bright idea to use a PLASTIC (good thinking) sour cream container from the cupboard above the fridge.  Opening the door, she reached in, bumped a tower of plastic and it all, yes, ALL, came tumbling down into the relish below.   Well, that almost brought tears to her eyes... yes, tears of frustration. 

Picking them up one by one she tossed that lot into the sink.  I might say she slung them into the sink she was so annoyed.  Finally getting to the one she really wanted, she scooped the remaining relish into it and set it into the sink in a sieve to drain.

While it drained she had to address the floor.  No silly, she didn't say, Good day, Mr Floor! 

Leaving her briny sandals in the kitchen she toddled over to the laundry room, grabbed bucket, mop and a rag or two, filled the bucket with water and set the mop to soak.  Rag in hand she returned to the abandoned sandals and de-pickled them setting them aside to dry.  (She has learned not to walk with damp shoes on slippery floors, I will give her that.) 

Then, mop in hand she swished, swiped and swished it over the floor to pick up the residue juices.  Resoak mop, spin out the excess and head in for round two.   No, it wasn't perfect but at least once this dried we could be fed.  She could go back again with fresh mop, vinegar water and another good scrub later but our tummies must be sated.

The bonus from all this? She was concerned that the dishwasher wasn't full and she needed to run it soon as we kitties had run out of clean crockery.  This took care of that... a little rearranging of the dishes so plastics all fit into the top shelf... and away it could go. 

Talk about being in a pickle.  Only Grammy!  *Shakes head*  Hopefully she won't be so stingy and splurge on Bick's next time.  Plastic bounces.  Yes, I observed this when the cupboard dis-engorged its hoard.

Comments are welcomed.  Hopefully some funny ones.

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